Restless, Exciting(?) Nights
July 16, 2020
I can tell that I'm seeing things differently. My 30-year-old brain thinks differently from my 28-year-old brain. Symbols and concepts are just making more sense to me now. It's like at some point in the last few years, an important keystone fell into place and now I'm making connections where I couldn't before. Math makes more sense. Chemistry makes more sense. Programming makes more sense. I don't know if this is a result of an aging brain, or I've had the right combination of experiences, but it feels important.
I feel like I'm on the verge of something. I don't know what that thing is, or even what category it would fit into. But I just feel like I'm at the confluence of all these rivers in my life, and they're about to merge together into something big. Will I be able to keep it up? Will this turn into a pattern, or will it fade away like all the other bursts of inspiration? It feels different. Will the world wait for it? In ten years, what will be the shape of our world? Everything feels electric. Like the match has been struck in the forest, waiting for the faintest whisper to set it ablaze.
4:00 a.m. is the worst time to feel so inspired and restless, but I feel in my bones that tomorrow will be a productive day.